Nerve-racking headline from NY Post:

“Wearing neckties reduces blood flow to the brain”

The Post goes on to reference a recent study from das University Hospital Schleswig-Holstein, where German scientists scanned the brains of 30 healthy young men, some of whom were necktied; others necktie-free. Their conclusion?

Neckties squeeze neck veins, thus potentially causing the slowing of brain processing.

The Post continues:

“The study found that guys wearing ties had 7.5 percent less blood flow.

In extreme cases, insufficient blood flow to the brain can kill organ tissue or cause a stroke.”

That’s a little extreme. Big story. Small study. Few men. Organ-killing.

Some might say more research is needed. I’d say it doesn’t take more funding for gaggle of researchers to deduce that neckties lead to mind-numbing discomfort.

If, indeed, there is a tie/brain crisis backed by science, fear not! Here are three easy solutions, all inspired by rad 80’s fashion…

1. Loosen the tie, lose the shirt, like drummer Roger Taylor from Queen:

2. Wear a loose bolero with a t-shirt, like Joe Strummer from The Clash:

3. Nix the tie altogether; only wear scrubs, like Dr. Fink from Prince & The Revolution:

I’m going for the scrubs.